


sick of losing soulmates

by softsuns



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, F/F, I Made Myself Cry, I need to write happy stuff, I wrote this why did i write this, Jesus - Freeform, Lowercase, Suicide, Suicide Notes, dahmo, dahyun really did love momo, heavu angst, momo being angry at the world, not fluffy, uhhh, vent stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 17:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12658605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsuns/pseuds/softsuns
Summary: after seven months of dahyun's death, momo finally goes in their apartment.





	sick of losing soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> this is really sad ajdbjsnd but if you're going through a really really hard time please seek some help:( it will get better with time.

in her twenty-one-years of life, momo had never felt the pain of losing somebody so precious. the brunette had never clutched her chest and yelled at the world in pain. she's never lost something so precious that you simply feel the ache every single morning and can't wake up without it. she had never felt pain like that.

until now,

momo now thinks of the world as a human disaster. she feels the dread in her tongue every single time she thinks about the cruel world. she thinks about how unfair it is and how much injustice there is. people that ask for help and get the opposite. patients that drop out because their therapists made them feel guilty, like a burden-- just so they keep coming back and they're able to win more money. money that's blown on vacations at the end of the day. this world is a mess.

at the age of fifteen, momo found her soulmate. she knew she was her soulmate by the way her hands shook when they shared gazes. dahyun was only fouteen, a big bow on the side of her head and a smile as bright as the stars. dahyun had kissed momo three months later and they did what kids do-- discover the world together.

then at the age of twenty-four, her soulmates dies and momo is torn to shreds. she isn't really okay. she's a mess of tears, snot, anger and resentment. she's angry at the therapists, the shitty therapists that made dahyun feel like she was hopeless and made her kill herself.

_momo had been working late. her shift at the hospital had drained her to the core and she couldn't wait to get home. dahyun had been feeling better lately and they were going to eat leftover spaghetti, watch some movies and kiss so slow. she was beyond excitement, constantly eyeing her watch and waiting for her shift to end._

_"momo, you're wanted at the front desk."  a distant yell was heard. she recognized the yelling as her co-worker nayeon and she grumbled. her shift was about to end and that meant another room needed cleaning._

_"thanks nayeon." she mused, pushing the cart to the front desk, her brain in another place. how dahyun had hugged her extra tight and kissed her goodbye today. she didn't want to let go and momo hummed happily._

_"what room do you need me to clean, sana?" she asked, calling for her best friend. when she noticed sana's tear stained face, she rushed, leaving the cart in the middle of the hallway._

_"momo- something happened." sana says, standing from her chair and walking towards her. she can't stop crying and momo's anxiety kicks in high. sana rarely cried. (only while watching marley and me.)_

_"what happened? are you okay? is your mom okay?"_

_"mom's okay." sana said, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. the other nurses are looking at them in tension and momo's really starting to wonder._

_"then what happened? why are the guys looking over here?" she asks, looking over at chaeyeon who replies with a sad smile. her nerves are spiking quicker now._

_"i... the shift was running normally and i-i get a call from your mom. she calls to the hospital, sobbing her eyes out and yelling--"_

_"you told me she was okay." momo says. her face falling into one of fear and sana shakes her head._

_"she's okay, momo. fuck, just hear me. she went to your house and- and dahyun was bleeding everywhere."_

_momo feels like the air was kicked out of her lungs and she was shoved to the ground by a hard force. her eyes widen and panic settles in. goosebumps over her skin and she's ready to throw up._

_"what room is she in?" she asks quietly. so quiet that sana almost misses her words completely. sana stays quiet. no courage to tell her dahyun is already gone._

_"sana."_

_"she didn't make it, momo. i'm so sorry."_

momo feels the slight push and she's snapped to reality. sana gives her a comforting smile, it's small but it settles her nerves. it's been seven months since she's stepped in her- their- dahyun and her's apartment.

"grab what you might need." sana says, voice soft and a shoulder rub acompanies it. they're currently standing in the middle of the bedroom, dahyun's things are in display and momo has never felt so... empty.

"i'll be okay. i'm gonna take a few shirts and books. thank you." momo dismisses and sana is soonly gone. she hears noises coming from the kitchen, which she assumes is sana cooking for the both of them.

momo eyes the bedroom, memories and pieces of dahyun clashing in her mind. she remembers every morning together. when dahyun would either wake her up with a kiss or they'd call each other annoying due to morning annoyance. the nights they'd spend here, kissing, talking, holding each other.  she smiles sadly at the memory.

she manages to open the closet and sit infront of it. she's trying to grab some clothes for herself, not wanting to leave her mother's house yet. she doesn't find herself stable enough to come live here. she can't stay here without breaking down or wanting to drown in dahyun's lingering scent. she can't even touch her clothes. every single brush brings a sweet memory.

momo is careful where she touches. she doesn't want to stumble across anything that could active the waterworks. sana and her mother had been dealing with her heartbreak all this time and today she didn't want to bother. she wanted to be stable for once.

she finds a purse and she's unsure if it's hers. she furrows her eyebrows together and reaches for the brown purse that she's never seen anybody with. her eyebrows are still furrowed together, confusion written on her face as she pulls the zipper open.

a medium sized journal is in it and momo feels the vile reach her throat. she recognizes it as dahyun's and she wants to rip the journal open. she doesn't want to say goodbye, she doesn't want to-

but she can't stop herself from opening it. she can't stop herself from wanting to see if she left a note. if she left something. so she cracks it open and hopes that her heart won't break because she's reading it. that she won't burst out into tears.

the first page is almost crinkled, pages gone yellow. and she's right. it's dahyun's handwritten. this was dahyun's precious journal. the first page is a threat, an empty one- the usual 'if you open this diary, i'll kill you!'

she passes everyday slowly, eyeing the words but not having enough focus to read it. she can't focus on the words because all she remembers is dahyun's beautiful yellow dress with this on her lap, writing her life away while momo watched her.

then she catches her name in one of the sentences.

"momo kissed me for the first time today."

and momo can't help the sob that escapes her mouth because god. this was her handwriting when she was fourteen, when they first met and she can't help the tears that stream down her face either.

she keeps passing pages, eyeing weeks, months worth of notes and she catches her name in every single page. her heart aches a little more, a bit close to breaking. this journal holds every little thought of momo and she feels so sick- she wishes she was alive. she wants dahyun back.

"the medicine isn't helping."

momo is bawling her eyes out at this point, wipping her tears away so quickly because she doesn't wants to her tear stains to ruin dahyun's caligraphy. to ruin dahyun's thoughts. she wants to keep this in tact.

and that's when she stumbles across the last entry.

"dear **_momo_** ,

i didn't know which greeting to write. hi momo or hey momo, then dear popped up in my head and i'm still unsure but let's just wing this. if you find this, it means that i've sucessfully done it. and by it, you know what. i hope you know i miss you dearly.

i don't really know how a suicide note goes, i've never done before and i don't know what to say nor what to write. but let me just thank you for loving me. i know it seems silly but hear me out, okay? i owe you this. i owe you a lot more.

i want to thank you for loving me in my darkest moments. when i couldn't stand up from my bed and you carried me to the shower. i want to thank you for loving me so much that every single time we went to meet my parents, you let me sit in the window seat. it seems stupid, but it's the little things that count.

i want to thank you for being so teaching me. you taught me to be patient, kind. you taught me to be proud of the person i am. it's sad that i can't fight this depression off and see you grow into the beautiful person you will be. i can't wait to see you up there in your thirties, a beautiful woman already. i hope you know i'll love you up in the sky. i hope you love me when you come up here too.

i also want to ask of you a favor.

please don't be mad at the world. the world is beautiful. the world gave me you. the world gave me nights with you, the world gave me mornings with you. the world gave me your first kiss. it also gave me your first time. i say the world because since the world, my world has been you. you're my world.

i'm sorry i can't stay. i'm really sorry. i can't handle it anymore. i just feel like a burden, at fault. i'm... really sorry, momo. i love you. i love you. god, i love you. i love you. i love you. i fucking love you so much. i love you, my love. i love you, my beauty. i love you, my hirai momo.

please take care.

i love you, momo.

\- kim dahyun, in another life...

hirai dahyun."


End file.
